How not to do the school run

It’s always on the days that you’re in a rush that disaster’s occur!  For example, last week I had to collect Rachel at 3:30pm, with a 1 year old in tow, and get back home by 4pm.  The 1 year old likes to walk.  Trying to carry her any distance is like trying to run off with a pneumatic drill when it’s on.

I collected Rachy from the classroom and made my way down the narrow path to the gate to discover that grandparents who were unsure of the location of grandchild’s jumper had chosen to unpack the back right infront of the gate.  WHY!  And why is it they had to take up the whole width of the path?  I pushed through.

I get through the gate and round the corner to discover that the headmaster and 4 of the year 2 boys are holding a cake sale on the narrowest part of the path.  WHY!  I love cakes but at that moment I hate cakes.  Stupid cakes.  Of course everyone else is loving cakes so they’re stopping.  I came over all ‘Brit’s Abroad’.  EXCUSE ME I shouted.  No-one paid attention – they were looking at the cakes.  I picked up the 1 year old and start to push on through.  The 1 year old goes into pneumatic drill on mode.

As I go to get round the very busy corner I stepped on a verge and I start to fall.  At this point my brain acknowledges there is something in my hands and I revert to uni days – do not spill the pint!   As I go down one of the other mums tries to grab me but she’s 3 metres away – it’s not going to work.  I love her for trying though! 

I land in a bush.  Bottom first.  The bush was so thick that it was almost a chair.  As I land all I can think is “Oh crap – I’ve taken out a bush and the headmaster is watching!”  I jump up, turn around and …. the bush is fine.  No evidence of anything happening.  “The bush is fine kids – off we go” I announce and usher them off to the car.  As I approach the car I start to laugh like a lunatic.  I’m not sure if I’m laughing because I think it’s funny or relief for not trashing the bush! 

When I got home the adrenalin of the school run has worn off and I realise that I’ve scratched my arm to death!   I look like budgerigars have been attacking my right arm.  I break out the Princess plasters and we have a great time putting me back together again.


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