One of our morning’s from last week. This was actually a good morning!
07:50 – Mummy shouts up the stairs for the girls kids to come down and put their shoes on.
07:51 – Mummy shouts up the stairs again for the kids to come down. Mummy is informed that the girls are mid way through reading a story to the teddies at nursery. They will be down when they’ve finished.
07:51 – Mummy works quads by running upstairs and demanding that kids come downstairs. Mummy notices their hair hasn’t been brushed.
07:52 – First child is having hair brushed. Mummy asks toddler to put on shoes. Toddler refuses to get off the floor until her hair is brushed.
07:53 – Mummy sends 6 year old to put on shoes. Toddler still refuses to get off floor because she doesn’t want her hair brushed.
07:53 – Mummy moves over to toddler to brush hair. Toddler runs. Toddler knows that mummy still can’t give chase as mummy is still recovering from hernia operation. Toddler gives her best evil laugh as she goes.
07:54 – Mummy takes higher ground with toddler. “Well we’re going so we’ll just have to leave you here.” Mummy congratulates 6 year old on being ready and starts to put her own shoes on.
07:55 – Toddler comes screaming into hallway and demands to not be left behind. Mummy asks toddler to put on shoes. Toddler throws herself to floor complaining that she has lost the ability to walk. Mummy clings on to higher ground with finger nails and utters through gritted teeth “just put your shoes on and then we can go.”
07:56 – Mummy runs through check list with 6 year old to make sure she has everything. Water bottle. Check. Book bag. Check. Waterproof trouser. No. Waterproof. No. Where are these? 6 year old claims she’s looking for them but really is looking at herself in the mirror. Mummy ups the chances of finding the waterproofs by listing off places for 6 year old to look. 6 year old looks.
07:57 – Waterproofs still not found, mummy looks in all the same places that 6 year old just looked and immediately finds waterproof trousers.
07:58 – Mummy starts to look for waterproof jacket. Mummy halts looking for waterproof to behold the miracle that the toddler can walk again. Toddler is ready to put on her shoes – another miracle. Mummy gives toddlers shoes to 6 year old to put on. 6 year old is informed by toddler she is not good enough. The miracle recedes – toddler is again on the floor.
07:59 – Mummy starts to tidy up the coat area to make it possible to find something. 6 year old remembers she needs a wee and is dispatched for last wee wees. Toddlers legs miraculously start to work and she races sister to the loo. Looses. Throws herself on the floor near the toilet.
08:00 – The coat area is tidy.
08:02 – 6 year old returns. Mummy can only find waterproof coat. Gives this to 6 year old to put in bag. Gets 6 year old’s communication book out of the book bag and writes a note asking the teacher to look for the waterproof at school.
08:03 – Puts shoes on toddler. Asks toddler “where is the jumper I asked you to bring down?” We find jumper in the lounge – toddler has mistaken jumper for a pair of jogging bottoms. 6 year old is dispatched upstairs to bring down a jumper. Mummy takes the opportunity to tell toddler that she will need to wear her waterproof today.
08:04 – Toddler is once again on the floor and this time with full tears. She wants to wear fleece. Mummy repeats mantra “Your fleece won’t keep you dry” 10 times with increasing volume on each repetition. 6 year old returns with jumper. Mummy traps toddler in her legs and wrestles the jumper on to her.
08:05 – Mummy goes back to coat rack to look one more time for 6 year old’s coat, stopping periodically to drag toddler by the ankles away from the white paintwork she is kicking.
08:06 – Mummy trips over a bag that has been moved away from it’s place by the door so that 6 year old can look at herself in the mirror. Mummy calls both girls to attention and commences a lecture. They have let themselves down. Mummy is a working mummy. Mummy needs their help. Mummy can’t do it all. It’s not fair that mummy has to do everything. They are better than this. On and on and on.
08:09 – Mummy finishes lecture, slightly pleased that she hasn’t completely lost it this morning. Toddler let’s 6 year old put her coat on her and we step out of the house.
08:10 – Mummy moans to neighbour about how it’s taken 20 minutes to put on their coats and shoes. 20 sodding minutes.
08:12 – Mummy says we must go as she is now making everybody late by standing around talking about how it takes so sodding long to get out of the house.
08:13 – Find 6 year old’s waterproof in the car. Take the waterproof coat out of the bag and replace with waterproof.
08:14 – Get in car. Seat belts etc. Start engine.
08:15 – Perform incredible manouvre to get car off the drive because neighbour has parked too far down their drive again.
08:25 – Park up on road by school. Get out of car.
08:27 – 6 year old realises that she has left her book bag in the car. Return to car.
08:28 – Continue the walk to school with full compliment of bags.
08:30 – Drop off kids. Pretend I’ll miss them. Skip off down path to take car for it’s MOT.
09:00 – Arrive home. Sit down. Realise I miss the kids!