Olympic Fatigue Syndrome – World Wide Cure Released

Contrary to what the name suggests, Olympic Fatigue Syndrome is not about being bitter at the BBC for showing sport instead of re-runs of New Tricks.  Rather it’s a torturous condition which renders those affected unable to turn off the television because the BBC are showing endless elite sports being carried out by beautiful people clad head to toe in lycra at times that only suit insomniacs and those whose children still get them up in the night for feeding.

Doctor Dave of the Made Up hospital said

“Four years ago it wasn’t an issue because the games were in London so parents could go to bed at a decent hour and still have enough energy the next day to function for their children.  However the recent games in Rio have left a whole generation of new parents exhausted because they can’t turn the tele off at night and go to bed without knowing whether Jade Jones has kicked somebody in the head and been rewarded for it.”

Sarah (aged 21, 32DD) a business babe from Kingston said

“It’s awful.  I’m so tired I cried in Asda because the special offer on Brazillian wine had ended.  I’m totally addicted to hockey even though I haven’t watched it for four years.  Bryony Page is my new girl crush after 20 seconds on a trampoline.  I’m worried that I’m going to pass my condition on to my children because my eldest can’t stop watching re-runs of the gymnastics.”

Children all over the UK have increased their iPad consumption by over 50% statistics reveal as parents struggle to deal with the tiredness and the demands of clearing up after a finger painting session.  Some children are starting to show signs of the condition too, staying up nearly 30 mins after bedtime to watch a Kayaking final.

Researchers have worked tirelessly to come up with a cure for this affliction which threatens the wellbeing of our children.

“We can’t just take the television away because the condition is a genuine addiction and we can’t afford for these parents to go through withdrawal.  We need to manage that process”, said Dr Dave of Made Up Hospital.  “We need to make sure that the patients get closure and brace themselves, both mentally and physically, before we remove their ‘drug’.”

The International Olympic Committee have worked closely with Dr Dave and his team and will be hosting an elaborate closing ceremony to help those afflicted come to terms with the end of the games.  On Monday it is expected that most of the nation will be in bed by 9pm and business as usual will resume on Tuesday.

“There will of course always be pockets of hard core users that we just can’t get to”, said a concerned Dr Dave.  “In these instances we often find that the afflicted simply find another outlet for their addiction.  You’ll often find sufferers of this syndrome in a football stadium for example, or even simply down the park watching a ball roll along the floor.  If a human reacts to a ball in the same way as a dog it’s likely that they have this syndrome.”

If you or someone you know has been suffering from Olympic Fatigue and are struggling to come to terms with the condition then help is at hand.  See your GP who, once they’ve finished laughing at you, will prescribe you a sports television package.

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SARAH CANTRILL is a woman on a mission to inspire every young child to become a reader for pleasure.  She is the Artistic Director & Founder of STORY STORKS, a social enterprise that delivers interactive story workshops to early years children and their grown ups, that help kids to fall in love with stories and develop their early language skills meaning that they have an easier time of learning to read when the time is right.  Infact 80% of the kids who come through STORY STORKS  are right where they should be or ahead in terms of progression through the reading book scheme once they get to school and the ones who are behind are trying hard because they know that it’s worth it – that to read is to unlock a whole world of fun and adventure and learning and imagination and they might take a bit longer to get there but they’re determined that get there they will.

www.storystorks.co.uk

 

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2 thoughts on “Olympic Fatigue Syndrome – World Wide Cure Released

  1. Thanks for this hilarious blog! On the other side of the ocean, we are also suffering from this condition & look forward to the resumption of regularly scheduled sleep patterns Monday nite!

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