Dear School Uniform Inventor,
Hello. I hope you’re well. I wonder what you’re wearing? I bet it’s not white. No. Because white is a terrible colour for showing up every single tiny little mark AND without fail those marks will turn into stains. It is the law of whites. Plus you only have to put a white shirt within 3 meters of a black sock and immediately it’s gone a shade of grey.
So what were you drinking the day you decided the KIDS SHOULD WEAR WHITE TOPS TO SCHOOL. I should like to try it!
Do you secretly work for the makers of Vanish? You’re clearly a major shareholder. That’s the only reason I can think of for wanting to put literally thousands of four year olds in white tops. Three weeks we’ve been back at school and already the nations kids are going to school in pink and battleship grey.
When the revolution comes and mothers design school uniforms the shirts will be made of a wipe clean substance and come in a range of jaunty colours. You’ll buy the shirt and as the child grows so the shirt will stretch so you never have to buy more than one. It will also smell of roses and will have a tracking device, complete with App (iPhone and Android) so that you can track the location of your shirt at all times, whether on the child or going mouldy in a locker somewhere.
Obviously this invention will be an overnight success so Mums inc. will then launch turbo trousers, again wipe clean and stretchy with the added bonus of a speed button at the back. Simply turn the button and the trousers move of their own accord, meaning you can get a teenage boy to walk to school in less than 4 hours.
Mums inc will expand into a range of casual clothing too for the 0-5 year olds.
After a few years they’ll also come up with a self changing nappy.
Oh the awesomeness. I can’t wait!!!
But for now school uniform inventor, you win. Keep drinking that evil potion that helps you come up with such ideas as white tops are great for school uniforms and enjoy those ill gotten gains whilst you can because Mums inc. will be a reality before you know it!
Love and kisses
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SARAH CANTRILL is a woman on a mission to inspire every young child to become a reader for pleasure. She is the Artistic Director & Founder of STORY STORKS, a social enterprise that delivers interactive story workshops to early years children and their grown ups, that help kids to fall in love with stories and develop their early language skills meaning that they have an easier time of learning to read when the time is right. Infact 85% of the kids who come through STORY STORKS are right where they should be or ahead in terms of progression through the reading book scheme once they get to school and the ones who are behind are trying hard because they know that it’s worth it – that to read is to unlock a whole world of fun and adventure and learning and imagination and they might take a bit longer to get there but they’re determined that get there they will.